Mariah Carey
Last night I went to see Mariah Carey with my good friend Daryl. Actually, he is now my best friend. His status has been elevated, as yours can be too, if you take me nice places and buy me stuff. Anyways, through his work he got a couple of tickets to a box suite for the Mariah Carey concert. With free food and booze. Yay! Now, I am not a big Mariah Carey fan, so I went to the concert with little expectation except that I got to spend some time away from Michael. I will now proceed to give you the run down of the concert.
We arrived at the suite, grabbed a couple of drinks and sat down to watch Busta Rhymes and his sidekick (I believe the gentleman's name was Spliff) as they sweated profusely under the hot house lights. They were shamelessly promoting Busta's new album (The Big Bang), and tried to encourage the audience to remember it by having the audience scream it over and over again at the top of their lungs. What? The Big Bang! What? The Big Bang! It reminded me of the time I went to a weekend bible retreat and they tried (unsuccessfully) to brainwash me. What? Jesus is Lord! What? Jesus is... wait a minute! How come the bible doesn't mention dinosaurs? Okay, so we listened for a prolonged length of time to what these two gentlemen wanted to do to various parts of women's anatomies, while periodically screaming "The Big Bang!". All good.
Then Mariah Carey came out. Now, let me just say that I was still up six mystery pounds from my surgery, and still have a couple of waterproof bandages on my person, and couldn't fit into my regular jeans so had to wear my "fat" jeans. Yeah, and MC comes out wearing essentially a bathing suit and high heels. She looked like a million bucks. I had more wine. I also discerned that everyone had plastic cups because Mariah Carey can actually hit such a high pitch that glass shatters. Ironically, the "diamonds" in my ring shattered. Mike, you cheap f*ck.
Then some guy came out in a slick suit and everyone seemed to know who he was and he did a couple of songs. I think it was Mariah's pimp. He shamelessly promoted his new album, and then Mariah came out and promoted his album too. Actually, I think Mariah was his pimp.
Oh, and every time anyone mentioned "Vancouver" or "Canada" or "BC" the crowd went ballistic. There was no possibility that any person in the audience could have been confused about their whereabouts given the number of times Mariah Carey or Busta said "How ya feelin' Vancouver?". After a couple of times of the crowd fairly convulsing when Vancouver was mentioned I thought, no matter how stoned the audience is they have to at some point realize that they're being pandered to. Apparently I was wrong, and the crowd was made up of a bunch of simpering idiots. YAY VANCOUVER!!! The Big Bang!! Vancouver, Vancouver, BC, Canada! Vancouver! The Big Bang!
Anyways, back to the concert. MC did the majority of the concert half nekkid. But when you're that good looking, successful and talented I think that you can do whatever the hell you want. I am actually going to work half nekkid on Tuesday (just hope I can get the rest of that pesky yellow iodine off).
Overall, I must say that I enjoyed the concert. It was very upbeat, lots of crowd participation and Mariah Carey is incredibly talented, though her music is not to my taste. The aspect of the evening that I had not anticipated, was Mariah emanating a kind of sexuality and confidence that I found empowering. It also could have had to do with the free booze. I did come away feeling a bit saucy and emancipated. I think Daryl did too. Then we saw a guy getting arrested en route to our bus. He was sauced and incarcerated. What? The Big Bang! What? The Big Bang!
We arrived at the suite, grabbed a couple of drinks and sat down to watch Busta Rhymes and his sidekick (I believe the gentleman's name was Spliff) as they sweated profusely under the hot house lights. They were shamelessly promoting Busta's new album (The Big Bang), and tried to encourage the audience to remember it by having the audience scream it over and over again at the top of their lungs. What? The Big Bang! What? The Big Bang! It reminded me of the time I went to a weekend bible retreat and they tried (unsuccessfully) to brainwash me. What? Jesus is Lord! What? Jesus is... wait a minute! How come the bible doesn't mention dinosaurs? Okay, so we listened for a prolonged length of time to what these two gentlemen wanted to do to various parts of women's anatomies, while periodically screaming "The Big Bang!". All good.
Then Mariah Carey came out. Now, let me just say that I was still up six mystery pounds from my surgery, and still have a couple of waterproof bandages on my person, and couldn't fit into my regular jeans so had to wear my "fat" jeans. Yeah, and MC comes out wearing essentially a bathing suit and high heels. She looked like a million bucks. I had more wine. I also discerned that everyone had plastic cups because Mariah Carey can actually hit such a high pitch that glass shatters. Ironically, the "diamonds" in my ring shattered. Mike, you cheap f*ck.
Then some guy came out in a slick suit and everyone seemed to know who he was and he did a couple of songs. I think it was Mariah's pimp. He shamelessly promoted his new album, and then Mariah came out and promoted his album too. Actually, I think Mariah was his pimp.
Oh, and every time anyone mentioned "Vancouver" or "Canada" or "BC" the crowd went ballistic. There was no possibility that any person in the audience could have been confused about their whereabouts given the number of times Mariah Carey or Busta said "How ya feelin' Vancouver?". After a couple of times of the crowd fairly convulsing when Vancouver was mentioned I thought, no matter how stoned the audience is they have to at some point realize that they're being pandered to. Apparently I was wrong, and the crowd was made up of a bunch of simpering idiots. YAY VANCOUVER!!! The Big Bang!! Vancouver, Vancouver, BC, Canada! Vancouver! The Big Bang!
Anyways, back to the concert. MC did the majority of the concert half nekkid. But when you're that good looking, successful and talented I think that you can do whatever the hell you want. I am actually going to work half nekkid on Tuesday (just hope I can get the rest of that pesky yellow iodine off).
Overall, I must say that I enjoyed the concert. It was very upbeat, lots of crowd participation and Mariah Carey is incredibly talented, though her music is not to my taste. The aspect of the evening that I had not anticipated, was Mariah emanating a kind of sexuality and confidence that I found empowering. It also could have had to do with the free booze. I did come away feeling a bit saucy and emancipated. I think Daryl did too. Then we saw a guy getting arrested en route to our bus. He was sauced and incarcerated. What? The Big Bang! What? The Big Bang!
posted by Duder at 12:45 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Duder,
Yup, momma always told me. “If you want more friends you’ll have to buy them”
So the concert was great. Correction, Mariah was great. I’m still dumbfounded as to how someone (ok, ok, it WAS Mr. Rhymes) can put on a concert with NO MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS. Can it be called music if there are no musical instruments?
As much as I would like to think my awareness of the repetitive and (not so) subliminal brainwashing techniques used at the concert, would prevent its effectiveness on my evolved intelligence (bwa ha ha), apparently not.
Driving to a family event early the next morning, listening to the news/traffic station I realized I had not been entirely resistant to their raucous self promotion. Each time the weather announcer stated “And it’s another gorgeous sunny day in Vancouver.” I let out a loud whoop, (Ok, it was a scream… OK, it was almost as high pitched as Mariah’s but that’s not for here) and yelled. “THE BIG BANG!, THE BIG BANG!”.
I eventually managed to reprogram my brain but not before scaring the sh*t out of several Sunday morning drivers who either thought I was about to ram them or that the apocalypse had come. So to any of you drivers of whom I caused a heart attack or panic attack, “oops, My bad”. Except the driver in the new Jetta… that one’s for Duder as*hole.
That's hilarious, D. Tried to explain the big bang theory to Michael, but he just grunted and went back to trying to create fire by rubbing two sticks together.
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