Income tax and Condi Rice

I’ve got a double whammy for all you devoted fans today! First off, let me say that I did attend my tax class last night, so I now have a 50% attendance rate, which is stellar. I had an inkling, when I purchased my 2,700 page Income Tax Act (no, I am absolutely not joking), that this course would be very difficult and about as entertaining as watching paint dry. Actually, watching paint dry can be fun: when the paint is Hot Pink and you’ve just splashed it all over a Hummer for shits and giggles. Also, I love the term shits and giggles. Who coined it, and what prompted the pairing of the word “shits” and “giggles”? I’m not saying it’s a bad pairing, but it’s rather unexpected and juxtapositional… how can I make my readers understand – it’s like having a nice glass of Baco Noir with some dark chocolate cake. It’s somewhat odd, but it works. I also enjoy “ass hat”. We will discuss further odd pairings later in this blog. Okay, where was I going with this? Oh right, I was regaling you with the complexities and nuances of income tax. I do ruminate on the need for a 2,700 page guide on how to interpret, understand and calculate one’s taxes. Did it start out at a mere 200 pages and just go from there? At any point, did some bureaucrat who was randomly flipping through it not say, “Hey George, this Income Tax Act is up to 1,800 pages! Don’t you think we’re over-complicating things a bit here?”. My teacher told us that every time the CRA loses a tax case, they change the ITA to close the loophole so that it will never happen again. Which means there are loopholes. Looks like I’ve got some heavy duty reading to do. When I become Prime Minister, I’m going to get that sucker under 500 pages. Maybe 501 after I add in the section that will make the purchase of electric automobiles FULLY TAX DEDUCTIBLE. Oh yeah, Duder for PM, baby. Are you a litigious homosexual with a lot of time on your hands? Here’s a gem for you: the definition of spouse in the ITA still refers to someone of the opposite sex. Discuss amongst yourselves, I’m a little verklempt.
Alright, onto the second issue of the day: Condi Rice and Peter MacKay. I think it’s a precursor to the Apocalypse. Sure, aren’t the signs: 1) a mental midget will be re-elected to rule the world’s most powerful country; 2) leggings and the concept of tucking your jeans into your boots will become fashionable again; and 3) the woman that helped destroy the Middle East will get all bootylicious with a naïve Canuck? Don’t get me wrong: Peter MacKay is a hotty, but he’s a Conservative, he supported the US-led invasion of Iraq, and he’s part of the reason that “spouse” is still defined in 1950’s terms; no amount of Baco Noir and chocolate cake is going to get me to see past that! And Condi Rice. Wow. Okay, it’s a step above Ann Coulter, but I shudder to think what would happen to Canada’s identity if that “merger” were to go through. Let’s see: axe the CBC (can’t have any independent and/or liberal reporting anymore); eradicate Neil Young (or send him to a remote island with the Dixie Chicks); decrease educational funding (don’t misunderestimate the power of education!); increase military spending; and re-introduce the Lord’s Prayer in school. And she’d probably wear those dominatrix black leather boots that she sported when she visited the troops overseas while accomplishing the above. Which maybe Peter MacKay would enjoy. Yes, Belinda Stronach was wrong, but Peter, if we can forgive her, can’t you?