To blog or not to blog
Where to begin? I am contemplating deleting this blog. Starting a new one called “Free Beer Tomorrow” or something light hearted. The topics would be easy on the head, funny and rather void of emotion. I suppose the issue with blogging about the infinite details of your pathologies is that you give people and insight into the neurotic chaos that is your mind. And as my friend emailed me the other day “you’re not a very nice person”. That resonated. Hard. And I realize that yes, given my actions it is probably fair to say that I am not a very nice person.
The other side of the coin is that this blog has been rather invaluable way to gauge my behaviour and actions as I progress through various trials and tribulations. Additionally, the act of writing is cathartic and it has helped me see (some) things more clearly than had I not expressed them at all.
So what now? I must say I am perplexed. One day I feel closer to knowing and understanding myself and the next day I realize I have no idea what I’m doing, that I’m careening through my life and it’s amazing that I have any friends left. Shall I continue to blog about my misdeeds and mistakes, or is it better to blog about, oh, say, the homeless guy that was arguing with my bus driver this morning? I don’t know.
I do know this: I have made mistakes. I am starting to learn from a greater proportion of them. I re-read my blog often and often I do not like what I see. I want to change that. I want to have guiltless, illuminating, positive blogs which are a reflection of my inner self. I need to work harder to get there.
This morning was a rather surprising one. I was supposed to go to B’s house for dinner tonight, but I sent him a lengthy email opting out, and telling him I needed to take some time to get my proverbial shit together. I was very honest in the email. He emailed back rather quickly and was kind and thoughtful. I realize that I judged him too harshly based on what happened earlier in the year and yes, I think my last blog (“Ownership”) is apt. Who am I to judge anyone? Look at me! I’ve been despicable and conceited. It is time to change that.
I’m limiting the users that can access this blog to those that have been with it since its inception. To those “lucky” few, I’d like to say thank you for your support and for not judging me and for being my friend. You probably know more about me then you ever dreamed that you would want to.
I have created a new blog (I can’t believe www.freebeertomorrow.blogspot.com was available) that will be accessible to all and I invite you all to read and comment on it.
Thanks, that was fun.
Duder
The other side of the coin is that this blog has been rather invaluable way to gauge my behaviour and actions as I progress through various trials and tribulations. Additionally, the act of writing is cathartic and it has helped me see (some) things more clearly than had I not expressed them at all.
So what now? I must say I am perplexed. One day I feel closer to knowing and understanding myself and the next day I realize I have no idea what I’m doing, that I’m careening through my life and it’s amazing that I have any friends left. Shall I continue to blog about my misdeeds and mistakes, or is it better to blog about, oh, say, the homeless guy that was arguing with my bus driver this morning? I don’t know.
I do know this: I have made mistakes. I am starting to learn from a greater proportion of them. I re-read my blog often and often I do not like what I see. I want to change that. I want to have guiltless, illuminating, positive blogs which are a reflection of my inner self. I need to work harder to get there.
This morning was a rather surprising one. I was supposed to go to B’s house for dinner tonight, but I sent him a lengthy email opting out, and telling him I needed to take some time to get my proverbial shit together. I was very honest in the email. He emailed back rather quickly and was kind and thoughtful. I realize that I judged him too harshly based on what happened earlier in the year and yes, I think my last blog (“Ownership”) is apt. Who am I to judge anyone? Look at me! I’ve been despicable and conceited. It is time to change that.
I’m limiting the users that can access this blog to those that have been with it since its inception. To those “lucky” few, I’d like to say thank you for your support and for not judging me and for being my friend. You probably know more about me then you ever dreamed that you would want to.
I have created a new blog (I can’t believe www.freebeertomorrow.blogspot.com was available) that will be accessible to all and I invite you all to read and comment on it.
Thanks, that was fun.
Duder
posted by Duder at 10:44 AM
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