Articulated arms
This blog will be longer than normal today, given that last night was the office Christmas party and productivity was is almost non-existent. Where to start, where to start… First of all, I had the joy of going solo for the first time EVER to this momentous event. Yeah, doing a lot of things solo these days. At first I was okay with the concept of going it alone, but then a few things happened to change that. First, I found out that there were only like four people that weren’t bringing dates. Jokes were made about sitting the single people at their own table, akin to the concept of the children’s table. Oh so funny. Then I found out that the seating was going to be random (we were to draw our table number from a hat) so I wouldn’t be able to sit with the people I normally socialize with at work. Which I suppose was the point, but I really don’t care. I was able to avoid this situation as my boss and I coerced the receptionist (whose job it was going to be to hand out said table numbers) into rigging the selection process.
Okay, so with that potential disaster averted I decided I would go. I also dropped close to $300 on a dress that makes me look like a god, so I kind of had to get my money’s worth. I found out that we were also doing a gift exchange so I went a got a really unique gift that I thought would be treasured and sought after by all my compatriots: a $10 gift certificate to A&B Sound. Whatever. We got to leave a little early and I went home (after going online to find out how to get from my apartment to the Coast Hotel in the West End via bus) to change. I also had a large glass of wine. I changed into my dress and you know, being the demure, self-conscious person I am I don’t often say positive things about my appearance, but let me tell you: last night it all came together. I looked freakin’ hot. I contemplated taking the three buses necessary to get to my final destination and instead called McLure’s. I love McLure’s. I got to listen to the Canucks get trounced by Boston en route. Frickin’ Canucks.
I arrived at the hotel and, since my boss was staying overnight there, I joined her and her friend in their hotel suite while they primped and preened. And used surgical tape to avoid having a Janet Jackson-esque type incident. And then they tried to primp and preen me. My boss “You need to put some lipstick on”. Me “I’m wearing lipstick”. Well, apparently it wasn’t cutting it because I was made to apply different, better lipstick. Twice. And then they put blush on me. And, if possible, I looked even hotter. I’m getting every photo that was taken of me last night and posting them on Lavalife.
Then a rather weird thing happened. One of my other coworkers came up to my bosses’s room with his girlfriend and they had an announcement to make. After dating for two years they had gotten engaged and wanted to tell us before they made the announcement to everyone at the party. His fiancé was practically exploding with joy. And because I am bitter and opinionated, all I could think about (besides keeping the shit-eating grin on my face) was: How in the hell is it that they date for two years and get engaged, and I’ve been waiting SIX? Not bitter, not bitter. Stupid happy couples.
So the whole lot of us made our entrance to the party on the 35th floor. My boss, her friend and I were seated with the happy couple, another couple and I sat next to one of the other “singles”: the guy that actually got me my current job. He is quite an attractive, smart and witty guy and had just returned from England where he was visiting his most recent romantic interest. And I thought North Van was far. So we chatted and had dinner while I pondered my failed romantic life and then it was time for the gift exchange! For those of you unfamiliar, the concept is that when your name is drawn you can either “steal” a present that someone else has picked (and opened), or you can select from the remaining unopened presents. It happened that they guy before me had picked a robot! A robot with articulated arm movement! My name was called and, before this poor guy could make it back to his table, I took the robot from him. He was crushed. I think a lot of people were surprised by my ruthlessness. They clearly know me not. Another rule of the game is that the same present can only be stolen three times. And then it happened: someone stole the robot from me. I was heartbroken. Articulated arm movement! And it could walk and its eyes lit up! So it was decided amongst the people at the table that they would get the robot back for me. Eventually my attractive, witty friend’s name was called and he stole the robot and gave it to me. Happy times!
Let’s see, some more drinking, some mingling and then the CEO of the company asked how I was getting home and I said I would take a cab. He knew that the CFO (whose wife was the designated driver of the two) would be going past my place and so kind of arranged that I would get a lift with them. Well, that was great but I wasn’t quite ready to leave, and also I was kind of tipsy and didn’t relish the thought of a twenty minute ride in a car with the second in charge of the company and his sober wife (though both are very pleasant and nice people). Because my witty, attractive friend doesn’t drink I pulled him aside and – though he lives in New Westminster, which is the exact opposite way of Kerrisdale – asked if he could give me a lift. Of course he said yes, because he is a gentleman and I’m sure he wanted to do nothing more than to traverse half the city with me at 11:15pm, and having to work the next day. So the CEO and CFO leave. I mingle and chat some more and then my friend gives me a lift home during which we talk about all things relationship and commitment oriented. I am such a boring drunk. He drops me off in front of my dilapidated building (I distinctly remember telling him, as I tell everyone, “it’s nice on the inside”) and I go to bed, still pretty happy with the robot, but it needs batteries.
I’m feeling pretty good today, little cobwebby, but I’ll survive. I catch the bus, grab a coffee and make my entrance to work and bump into the CEO and he says, “Hey, how are you doing?” to which I mumble something and fumble with the keys to my office. Then he says “Did M get you home okay?”. Great. Just the kind of question I want to field from the head cheese today. So things just got weird. I mean, it’s not like I drank too much and photocopied my ass or slept with the tech co-op student. Ah well. The rumor mill has started potentially. I feel sorry for my friend who was just being nice and now probably feels weird. How to correct, how to correct? Maybe I can distract them with the robot’s articulated arm movements. It’s going to be a long day.
Okay, so with that potential disaster averted I decided I would go. I also dropped close to $300 on a dress that makes me look like a god, so I kind of had to get my money’s worth. I found out that we were also doing a gift exchange so I went a got a really unique gift that I thought would be treasured and sought after by all my compatriots: a $10 gift certificate to A&B Sound. Whatever. We got to leave a little early and I went home (after going online to find out how to get from my apartment to the Coast Hotel in the West End via bus) to change. I also had a large glass of wine. I changed into my dress and you know, being the demure, self-conscious person I am I don’t often say positive things about my appearance, but let me tell you: last night it all came together. I looked freakin’ hot. I contemplated taking the three buses necessary to get to my final destination and instead called McLure’s. I love McLure’s. I got to listen to the Canucks get trounced by Boston en route. Frickin’ Canucks.
I arrived at the hotel and, since my boss was staying overnight there, I joined her and her friend in their hotel suite while they primped and preened. And used surgical tape to avoid having a Janet Jackson-esque type incident. And then they tried to primp and preen me. My boss “You need to put some lipstick on”. Me “I’m wearing lipstick”. Well, apparently it wasn’t cutting it because I was made to apply different, better lipstick. Twice. And then they put blush on me. And, if possible, I looked even hotter. I’m getting every photo that was taken of me last night and posting them on Lavalife.
Then a rather weird thing happened. One of my other coworkers came up to my bosses’s room with his girlfriend and they had an announcement to make. After dating for two years they had gotten engaged and wanted to tell us before they made the announcement to everyone at the party. His fiancé was practically exploding with joy. And because I am bitter and opinionated, all I could think about (besides keeping the shit-eating grin on my face) was: How in the hell is it that they date for two years and get engaged, and I’ve been waiting SIX? Not bitter, not bitter. Stupid happy couples.
So the whole lot of us made our entrance to the party on the 35th floor. My boss, her friend and I were seated with the happy couple, another couple and I sat next to one of the other “singles”: the guy that actually got me my current job. He is quite an attractive, smart and witty guy and had just returned from England where he was visiting his most recent romantic interest. And I thought North Van was far. So we chatted and had dinner while I pondered my failed romantic life and then it was time for the gift exchange! For those of you unfamiliar, the concept is that when your name is drawn you can either “steal” a present that someone else has picked (and opened), or you can select from the remaining unopened presents. It happened that they guy before me had picked a robot! A robot with articulated arm movement! My name was called and, before this poor guy could make it back to his table, I took the robot from him. He was crushed. I think a lot of people were surprised by my ruthlessness. They clearly know me not. Another rule of the game is that the same present can only be stolen three times. And then it happened: someone stole the robot from me. I was heartbroken. Articulated arm movement! And it could walk and its eyes lit up! So it was decided amongst the people at the table that they would get the robot back for me. Eventually my attractive, witty friend’s name was called and he stole the robot and gave it to me. Happy times!
Let’s see, some more drinking, some mingling and then the CEO of the company asked how I was getting home and I said I would take a cab. He knew that the CFO (whose wife was the designated driver of the two) would be going past my place and so kind of arranged that I would get a lift with them. Well, that was great but I wasn’t quite ready to leave, and also I was kind of tipsy and didn’t relish the thought of a twenty minute ride in a car with the second in charge of the company and his sober wife (though both are very pleasant and nice people). Because my witty, attractive friend doesn’t drink I pulled him aside and – though he lives in New Westminster, which is the exact opposite way of Kerrisdale – asked if he could give me a lift. Of course he said yes, because he is a gentleman and I’m sure he wanted to do nothing more than to traverse half the city with me at 11:15pm, and having to work the next day. So the CEO and CFO leave. I mingle and chat some more and then my friend gives me a lift home during which we talk about all things relationship and commitment oriented. I am such a boring drunk. He drops me off in front of my dilapidated building (I distinctly remember telling him, as I tell everyone, “it’s nice on the inside”) and I go to bed, still pretty happy with the robot, but it needs batteries.
I’m feeling pretty good today, little cobwebby, but I’ll survive. I catch the bus, grab a coffee and make my entrance to work and bump into the CEO and he says, “Hey, how are you doing?” to which I mumble something and fumble with the keys to my office. Then he says “Did M get you home okay?”. Great. Just the kind of question I want to field from the head cheese today. So things just got weird. I mean, it’s not like I drank too much and photocopied my ass or slept with the tech co-op student. Ah well. The rumor mill has started potentially. I feel sorry for my friend who was just being nice and now probably feels weird. How to correct, how to correct? Maybe I can distract them with the robot’s articulated arm movements. It’s going to be a long day.
posted by Duder at 11:33 AM
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