Don't put your finger in your eye

After wearing glasses sporadically (ie for school and driving) for the past six years, I decided that I would bite the bullet and get contact lenses. I typically don't like to wear glasses when I run, so I often have moments of panic where I have to decide "is that a shrub, or an axe murderer". It also makes judging the amount of time I have to dart across the street a little more tenuous. Anyways, I balked at the optometrist that wanted to charge me $115 for a 45 minute session on how to put in contact lenses correctly. I told my mom "how hard can it be? I mean, aren't there seven year olds that wear contact lenses?". So she found an optician in White Rock that would not charge me to try out a pair of contacts. I go there with my mom, discover I have astigmatism and then spend ten minutes of mounting frustration trying to put these stupid contacts in. Eventually, face (and eyes) red I snap "I can't do it!". The optician looks at me as though I was a petulant child - which I was totally acting like. I felt too much pressure to perform and asked if I could the trial pair home and try on my own time. So we go back to my mom's place and she alternates between telling me how easy it is and then laughing at me. I result to swearing, as contact lens solution streams down my arms and hands (that crap gets everywhere). At one point I yell "I'm having some difficulty here" as I somehow managed to get the contact lens bunched up on my eyeball. My brother responded with "Are you blind yet?" or something equally witty. Finally they were in. Man, I was mad.
Then I visited L and T and played a rousing game of rummy. I told them about my adventures with contacts and L said "I can put mine in without looking into the mirror". Well sucks to you! You should add that to your Lavalife profile! We can't all be so talented: it was my first time. They tried to sell me on a game called "Pit" which is some kind of commodity trading game. L said, "You'll like it, there's lots of action and yelling". I replied "Do I get to hit people?" to which she looked at me strangely and said "No. There's no hitting". Well then it's just not as fun, is it??
Then I got to drive home in the pea soup fog with my contacts. How cool! Driving without glasses! I kept on thinking that somehow my contacts would "fail" and I would be rendered blind as I barreled down the 99 at 110 kilometers an hour. But it all worked out, except when I tried to take them out when I got home. I'm really good at rolling my eyes back in my head thereby making the removal of my contacts next to impossible. I told my mom about it this morning and she was like "ooohhh... how hard can it be? Seven year olds can do it". She's so mean.
That's all I've got today. I have to save something for tomorrow don't you know.