The thing with Lavalife

So I’m on Lavalife. Whatever. I must say that it is not nearly as exciting as I had imagined. I do imagine, however, that if you are a size two blonde with gigantic bosoms Lavalife could be very exciting. As it is I have received three smiles: one from JupiterGirl (though much appreciated, it kind of doesn’t count); one from a guy that looks like he was recently paroled; and one from a guy that looks vaguely like John Turturro (the guy that played Jesus in “The Big Lebowski). Kind of ironic, given that my Blogger nickname is Duder. And as if that was not bad enough, I get instant messaged when I log on to my LL account, and the gentlemen that are IMing me don’t have their pictures posted which kind of pisses me off. I hemmed and hawed about posting my own picture on the net (I’ll get to the reason why in a moment), but then I realized that I was scrolling through pictures of men like so much meat on a hook and that physical attraction is part of the whole dating scenario. I’m not saying I’m looking for the next Brad Pitt – in fact I bypass the traditionally good looking guys very quickly – but I would never date someone that I didn’t find attractive by my standards. Which are really odd. Yeah, I like Clive Owen, but I also find Topher Grace impossibly hot. Tom Cruise? Pass. Gord Downie: yes, please. But back to my point: I’ve got my picture posted up there (as good or bad as it may be) so if you want to IM me, you better have your picture up there too. Otherwise I’m going to assume you’re a fifty year old man who is likely typing with one hand and you’re third question to me will be something like “what are you wearing” or “have you ever kissed another woman”. And then I would say “I’m wearing ass-less, snakeskin chaps” and “I’ve kissed another woman, have you?”.
Another reason I was reluctant to post my picture is because there is a chronically single guy that works here and I know, I just know that he is scoping out Lavalife. Nice guy, bit of a player, shows up to various work functions with a different girl each time. I did not want this guy to come across my photo, because I think he would just revel in the fact that I am single. And in the last couple of days he has been extraordinarily friendly. Ah, beats going to the next Christmas party alone, I guess…
Maybe I should re-vamp the picture. Maybe I should just take my profile down because in the five days I’ve been on LL my self-confidence has taken a bit of a nose dive. Maybe I’ll just keep scrolling through, looking for “Foreman” look-alikes and smiling at them. Maybe I’ll remove my picture and start IMing guys ten years younger than me. I could change my handle to SexyCougar4 or something.
I think JupiterGirl hit the nail right on the head when she said “You need to check your reasons for doing this”. Amen. But let me just log on a couple more times to see if my odds have improved…