The benefits of having an affair with my upstairs neighbour
As you might have noticed, I have been thinking more and more about the benefits of having an affair with the guy that lives above me. Forget not having to hail a cab to get home after one too many glasses of Spanish Tempranillo (Love. That. Shit.), I wouldn’t even have to put my freakin’ shoes on to go up there. I could contemplate staying over, but why when my comfy bed is available and only 30 seconds away? Did I mention he’s a caterer? Have you suffered through any of my attempts at cooking recently? Last night’s dinner was salad, topped off with tuna from a can! Ah, the canned tuna, how it flits effortlessly through the sea, tasting a little bit like lemon and dill… Other benefits include access to my CD collection if his is grating, not having to fight for parking, and being able to withhold sex in order to get ahead of him for laundry.
I guess the negatives would be that he would always know when I was home. The possibility that he would knock on my door when I didn’t want to talk to him (like when I’m sweaty from a run, in the shower, stoned or applying a face mask). And if we parted on bad terms the nicky nine doors could go on indefinitely. He could stomp his feet a lot, which would drive me apeshit.
Anyways, these are mere ruminations. I may be going over for dinner on Sunday night, but I get the feeling that he might simply be a really nice guy that just wants to cook me dinner because my apartment is falling down around my ears. I get this feeling because when I was talking to him last night he a) thanked me for calling him yesterday to set a date for our dinner (weird) and when he said “have a good week” and I said “thank you” he said “you’re welcome”. Who says “you’re welcome”. It was uber polite.
But I kind of wonder if he is the guy that had the screamer over a couple of years ago. Yeah, one night Michael and I were in bed and we heard what we, at first, thought was someone yelling. Then we noticed it was a really lopsided argument, in that the person ululating was a female. Upon further inspection, she didn’t appear to be that angry at all; no, she seemed to be having a really orgasmic time. For quite a while. Loudly. I remember lying there and wondering what in the hell they were doing that would require that much vocalization. I contemplated applauding out the window when they were done. Maybe it was him. Maybe I'll ask him on Sunday, after a couple of glasses of Tempranillo.
I guess the negatives would be that he would always know when I was home. The possibility that he would knock on my door when I didn’t want to talk to him (like when I’m sweaty from a run, in the shower, stoned or applying a face mask). And if we parted on bad terms the nicky nine doors could go on indefinitely. He could stomp his feet a lot, which would drive me apeshit.
Anyways, these are mere ruminations. I may be going over for dinner on Sunday night, but I get the feeling that he might simply be a really nice guy that just wants to cook me dinner because my apartment is falling down around my ears. I get this feeling because when I was talking to him last night he a) thanked me for calling him yesterday to set a date for our dinner (weird) and when he said “have a good week” and I said “thank you” he said “you’re welcome”. Who says “you’re welcome”. It was uber polite.
But I kind of wonder if he is the guy that had the screamer over a couple of years ago. Yeah, one night Michael and I were in bed and we heard what we, at first, thought was someone yelling. Then we noticed it was a really lopsided argument, in that the person ululating was a female. Upon further inspection, she didn’t appear to be that angry at all; no, she seemed to be having a really orgasmic time. For quite a while. Loudly. I remember lying there and wondering what in the hell they were doing that would require that much vocalization. I contemplated applauding out the window when they were done. Maybe it was him. Maybe I'll ask him on Sunday, after a couple of glasses of Tempranillo.
posted by Duder at 12:46 PM
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