If he wants to lick the pole, let him lick the pole: Part I

Saturday morning I got up at the crack of dawn to catch the bus to Horseshoe Bay so that I could ride the fabled and famous BC Ferries (the corporation that I know and love so dearly) to Nanaimo, where I was expected at S and D's housewarming party (and more importantly their son M's one year birthday). And by crack of dawn I mean like, 8:30. I got up, fumbled around, tried to make rhyme or reason out of my new haircut and trundled down to the bus stop. The bus was late. This, in and of itself, is not unusual for the #16. It was, however, more than a little irritating today, because I needed to be at Seymour and Howe to catch the 11:19 bus to Horseshoe Bay so that I could catch the 12:30 ferry to Departure Bay. Needless to say, because the bus was running late, the driver felt compelled to stop at every pedestrian crosswalk and allow stupid humans to cross, as well as deciding to hold up for all the poor saps that just couldn't get their shit together enough to show up at the bus stop on time. Laggards! Leave them all behind! I did manage to get on the bus to West Van which was good, because I had reached a rather palpable level of agitation as we slowed down for every wheezing fat bastard that hailed the bus.
The ferry ride over was, as always, a delight. It wasn't quite as fun as the time that my brother and I went over with a coven of bikers that were meeting for some debauchery jamboree in Nanaimo. That was a fun trip: open beers and black leather everywhere. Hey, would you tell a 250lb biker with sleeved out tatties that open alcohol is a no no on this particular vessel?
Anyways, this trip over was made exciting by a degenerate moron that fancied himself the next bloody Eminem or something. First of all, his wavery, reedy voice was kind of effeminate. And he was ugly. And stupid. After listening to a prolonged conversation that he was having with the two Asian hangers-on that he was travelling with about how anyone can make it through the Canadian education system - he was apparently living proof after scoring 14% in Grade 11 math because he failed to attend most of the classes and smoked a lot of dope - I was very close to punching him in the mouth. He failed math three times which kind of makes it seem that in fact no, not everyone can "work" the Canadian education system. Then he regaled his fans with his career aspiration: to become a famous rapper, branch into movies and make 20 million a picture. I will now share his idea for the 20 million dollar picture. Are you ready for it? It is a Japanese anime romp through medieval England. I don't even know. I wonder if his parents had any children that survived. I will let you know that his whiny, painful voice was piercing my ability to concentrate on the series of short stories by Chekhov that I was trying to work through. I shit you not.
I then hopped into a cab and spent a rather long time trying to convince the cabby that the particular address that was my destination actually did exist. Yeah. He kept asking me where it was and I kept repeating: a) the address and b) the fact that I had not ever been there before so I was really relying on him for that.
The housewarming party was nice. The house itself was nice. It's really, um, disconcerting to know that for the price of a one bedroom condo in an upscale area in Vancouver you can buy a three bedroom house with a full downstairs that can be suited out. Yeah. I should start stockpiling the catfood that I will no doubt be eating during my retirement now. I think there's a sale on at London Drugs.
Will finish this later. I am now going to watch Borat with Michael. Because I am still in North Van. All to be revealed in Part II of the Pole Licking series.