Imploding

It could be that I have been focusing a bit too much on the external things these days. Sure, physical health is important. Yep, gotta make more time to get to the gym. Need to try and eat better. But it would appear that I have been spending too much time in my own head, which apparently is not the place to be. I had a great visit with Big D last night and it helped me to understand this, though I think everyone around me as of late probably was more aware of my veritable mental instability than I was. Let’s see, there was the two inappropriate texts I made on Saturday night, with a follow up drunk phone call (note to self: leave cell phone at home for the next International Wine Fest). The following day involved me staring out the window for prolonged periods of time while I intensely scrutinized my relationship with B and my relationship with Michael. And created various scenarios that didn’t exist. And obsessed about them. I called JupiterGirl (who had been my partner in crime – along with a very well behaved A – at the prior night’s wine fest) to check in. I think she sensed that I was bordering on some kind of schizophrenia, so she felt it prudent to come over and drag me out of the apartment for some coffee. It turned out very well. Talking to people is good. Talking to people who are positive and non judgmental is even better. Coming away with the feeling that people are kind of concerned for your overall well being is the best.
Nonetheless Monday involved me taking my boots back to get them re-soled again (the first one didn’t hold), visiting the doctor, doing laundry and crying. I’m not a huge crier, but I kind of lost it a couple of times. Then I napped. Then Big D came over and we had a good talk. I think I need to relax a little. I think I am going to look back on this blog and go, wow, that is a messed up blog.
I really, really need to stop putting square pegs in round holes.